RIVERSIDE BAPTIST 2007!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are times when you are blown away by the bizarreness of an experience and don't even know how to start processing it. A physical discription could be helpful.

The Riverside Baptist Church is a new arena shaped monument visible from over a mile away on I-25 going into Denver. There are two 15 ft screens on either side of the pulpit/stage which is decorated somewhat like the set of Oprah, except with a gospel choir. There are three cameras with accompanying camera men on platforms throughout the audience. The service is broadcast on the screens, making hymn books obsolete and providing the answers to the fill in the blank questions which appear in the bulletin. For example: Jesus __________ the practice of tithing when He had a perfect opportunity to _________. (Matthew. 5:17; 23:23)

There were three times when I almost lost it and laughed out loud, and my laugh has been compared to a wide range of sounds from seals to broken power tools. This is not the sort of thing you want when trying to be discrete. The first time was during a hymn.

First off, the choir was horrendous. I don't think half of them were singing, and I can't stress enough to you the need for a conductor. They were so bad that at times I thought I was singing the wrong thing because the confusion within the choir made it so muddled that the song had become indistinguishable. Anyway, it was time for a duet and so a man and woman came out front and started singing about the lord's grace and what not, while different members of the partially restarted choir lifted up their hands in silent exclamations of AMEN with a timing that had you wondering if you missed something.

My brother, whose name is Ben, but I call Kerms, came with us this time and was sitting next to me. The woman fared decently with her part. She seemed to be able to "throw her weight around" pretty well (appropriate in more than one sense), however the man had more trouble. His part grew to peak on the word God. Unfortunately for him he was more than a little flat and Kerms, upon hearing the note, somewhat hopefully grimaced the word, "Close." to me. It was too much.

A second part is a matter of mathematical reasoning. The sermon was over the matter of tithing and the preacher spent a long winded half an hour explaining the bizarre timing that God had bestowed upon us. Apparently his omniscience had provided so that the preacher's biblical readings talked about tithing at the uncannily same time the church budget came out! The preacher was explaining how we could all see God's glory and power in sermon attendance. He powerpointed the attendance numbers for the last 4 Sundays; they were something like: 957 , 959, 952, 965. He then highlighted the general increasing trend in attendance, (except for that third Sunday). I'm no statistician but a fluctuation of 13 people over a 4 week period of any voluntarily attending population of near 1000 is more of a sign of God's divinity than it is a sign of a general increasing trend. That would in no way be called a significant result. If just 2 families have a sick child you've essentially reached that fluctuation. Yet some how this became an increasing trend demonstrative of God's greatness.

And then he referenced, to prove his own statements, who else but himself. I'll be honest I didn't really laugh at this, but I did feel mildly naseous. (That could also have been the perfume on the lady next to me.)

The other time that seemed straight out of television was when he (the preacher), as a closing thought,asked for God's blessing on various things, including, this......our beloved.......... CORPORATION. After that everything seemed slightly ludicrous.

People had said verbal and mental halleluah's in their head to his statement. I felt like I was in a futuristic novel telling about the dangers of future societies gone awry.