Compromises

We drove deep into country club land. Into a geography where newly constructed houses were created individually with remodeled kitchens and entry foyers that spanned several floors. Where kids did chores, not because they actually needed doing (there were cleaner women for that), but to learn responsibility. There were speed bumps every block, but no children outside to avoid hitting. It was a place where swim teams and video game tournaments meant social lives.

That being said, we turned into the hedged parking lot and gazed up at the monstrous modern ode to Yahweh. These people who apparently have so much of everything for some reason still need a god. But what reason could they have?

People are so creative with their compromises. How does one become extremely rich and still feel generous? How does one wear brand names and look alike clothing and still feel like an individual? How does one become a doctor or scientist and still have a faith? How to reconcile the various forces in ones life? It is no wonder that strange crossroads such as this synagogue exist. Where bongo drums and dancing meet reformed Judaism. Where people sing for hours songs they haven’t an idea what they mean because they don’t actually understand the language. The rabbi spoke about the power of an email. Where has the divine gone, in these places?

It seems it has been compromised. The faith of the majority of these affluent attendees is more of a cultural familiarity and comfort than a profound sense of direction.
I would compare it to children’s chore list. It is not a necessity. It is expected to be mildly entertaining, and there is no problem if you talk through the entire service. Some might call it a waste of time, but there is definitely an affect, just as there is an affect of children going through the motions of doing chores. At least there is the learned familiarity with it. So you go. You try to have fun, learn some stories, sing some songs, it might be boring, but with a little ingenuity, you can figure out a way to deal. Then you can proudly check the religion box on scantrons; Jewish, and maybe even get a free plane ticket to be flown over to Israel, to view a people whose faith and daily life has so much more to do with necessity.

What was at once so strange to me now seems normal, and somewhat nauseating. The more churches I attend, the less I can stomach them. When I first arrive I remain interested by my surroundings, but this fades and I'm left a need for substance. These religions are all starting to become the same. Yet they claim there is a divide between them. They seem to be a comforting compromise of whatever different walk of life someone has always attended to. What do they have to offer in the way of difference except for jargon and history. None of the music is interesting. The thoughts they offer are not well thought out ideas on life and death and meaning, but rather odes to the familiar. It seems no wonder that religion often becomes reactionary. Its' distinctions are of the past, so how can it react to an evolving present, or even the future. The more I attend the less respect I incur.

Since it seems to have little to do with an actual need for belief, I begin to wonder what are its' social benefits? I am at a loss except to say that it is a comfort of alliance. I had so hoped to find something more to religion than I knew, not that I wanted to become religious, but at least to see that it did some good in the world and was not only rhetoric. But with each adventure we take I become more and more convinced that its' negative effects have all the more weight than the positive ones.

One could say that it is nice for people of similar background to come together and sing and dance and be nice to each other. However, it is not that simple. Along with that coming together is a superficiality about why they are there and what is important. What good can come from following along to a song or prayer you don't even understand? I was at first impressed with the spontaneity of their wedding dance. Then I learned it was requisite. What does this say besides perhaps we should get other people to do our thinking for us? I guess that is the basis of faith, yet I am left feeling worn out and empty. Perhaps this is why I did not know where to begin writing this week, I am left with nothing from these services. Not even an interesting anecdote.